What Actually Happens in Counselling? A First-Timer’s Guide

A guide to counselling

Demystifying therapy so you feel safe, supported, and in control

If you’ve ever thought about seeing a counsellor but found yourself hesitating—unsure what actually happens behind that door—you’re not alone. For many first-timers, counselling can seem mysterious or even intimidating. You might wonder: What will I have to say? Will they judge me? What if I cry? What if I don’t even know what’s wrong?

This guide is here to help gently lift the curtain on the counselling process, so you can walk in feeling more confident, prepared, and reassured. The truth? Counselling isn’t about being “broken” or needing to be “fixed”—it’s a supportive conversation in a space where you are the focus, and you set the pace.

So… What actually happens in a counselling session?

Let’s break it down step by step:

1. The First Session: Getting to Know You

Think of the first session like a warm introduction. It’s a chance for you and your counsellor to get to know each other and see if the fit feels right.

You might talk about:

• What brought you to counselling

• What you’re hoping to get out of it

• A little bit about your background or current situation

It’s okay if you don’t have the perfect words or a clear goal. Many people start with, “I don’t really know where to begin…” and that’s completely fine. The counsellor is trained to help you start wherever you are.

2. Confidentiality and Safety

Your counsellor will usually explain the boundaries of confidentiality. In most cases, what you share stays private—unless there’s a serious risk of harm to yourself or others. This helps create a safe container for honest conversation.

3. You lead the way

In ongoing sessions, you can talk about anything you want—no topic is too big or too small. Whether it’s anxiety, grief, relationship issues, burnout, a major life decision, or just a general feeling of being stuck, it’s all valid.

Some people talk. Others sit quietly. Some cry. Some even laugh. There’s no “wrong” way to be.

What Counselling Isn’t

Let’s clear up a few common myths:

• It’s not about being judged or diagnosed.

• It’s not a one-size-fits-all fix.

• You don’t have to lie on a couch and spill your childhood secrets (unless you want to!).

• You don’t need a mental health “label” to access help.

Counselling is a place to think out loud, understand your feelings, unpack patterns, and learn new ways of coping—all with someone who’s professionally trained to support you without bias.

Types of counselling approaches

There are different styles of therapy, and your counsellor may use one or a blend of the following:

• Person-Centred Therapy – warm, non-judgemental, and led by you

• Trauma-Informed Therapy – sensitive to your safety and emotional pacing

• Mindfulness-Based Therapy – includes calming, grounding tools

• Psychodynamic Therapy – explores deeper emotional patterns and history

• Solution-Focused Therapy – helps you move toward specific goals

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – looks at thoughts, behaviours, and feelings

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It’s okay if you don’t know what approach suits you. A good counsellor will explain what they offer and adjust to your comfort and needs.

Things to keep in mind

• You are in control – You never have to talk about anything you’re not ready for.

• You can ask questions – Don’t hesitate to ask about the process, the therapist’s training, or anything else you’re unsure about.

• You’re allowed to change counsellors – If it doesn’t feel like the right fit, that’s not a failure. It’s just part of the process. Many people try one or two counsellors before finding someone who feels like a good match.

  
  

Ways to approach your first session

Here are some gentle tips if you’re feeling nervous:

• Write down a few things you’d like to talk about or questions you have

• Remind yourself there’s no pressure to “perform”

• Let your counsellor know it’s your first time—they’ll guide you gently

• It’s okay to be emotional—or not emotional at all

• Be honest about your comfort levels; they won’t be offended

  
  

Reassurance for the anxious brain ;)

• You don’t have to have your life together to come to counselling.

• You don’t have to “earn” support by being in crisis.

• You are allowed to want to feel better, to understand yourself, or simply to talk.

• If something doesn’t sit right, you are always allowed to say so.

  
  

Questions you might want to ask your counsellor

• “What’s your approach to therapy?”

• “Have you worked with people going through [insert concern]?”

• “How often should I come?”

• “What if I get overwhelmed or don’t know what to say?”

Asking these isn’t rude—it shows you’re taking ownership of your healing process.

A Final Word

Seeing a counsellor doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re human—and brave enough to seek support. Just like we go to the doctor when something hurts physically, we can seek out a therapist when our hearts or minds feel heavy.

You don’t have to wait until everything is falling apart. Counselling can be helpful before you hit a crisis point—when you’re trying to make sense of things, build better boundaries, or simply get more in touch with yourself.

If you’ve been curious, consider this your gentle nudge. You deserve a space where you can be seen, heard, and supported—without judgement, and at your own pace.

Ready to give it a try? Find someone who feels like a good fit. Ask for recommendations. And remember: if the first one isn’t right, you’re allowed to keep looking. This is your space, and you get to choose who walks with you.